If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
