i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
