lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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