help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
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In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
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I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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