why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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