dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i just google imaged poop.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
