I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
