her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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