Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
