I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
