yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
