There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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