If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
