I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
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Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
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I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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