I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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