"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
