Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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