This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
