I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
