SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
