if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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