my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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