Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
