she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
