Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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