New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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