I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The adults are the big ones right?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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