we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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