there's paper in my vomit.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
