This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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