I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
