How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
