Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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