We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
