Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
