Tell her she can't have a vagina
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
