I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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