So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
