I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
