why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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