is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
