I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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