So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
