seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
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I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
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They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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