I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
