If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I've blown a few things in my day
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
