I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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