you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you win again, gameday.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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