sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Soap is not a condiment
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
