low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
