First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
