i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
