it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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