can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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