11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
