He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
