I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
