My balls are so social today.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
