those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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