So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
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Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
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Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
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