I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My vagina just clenched in fear
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
