It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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