Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
