haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
