Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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