Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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