I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
