I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
