I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
