My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
