I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
