What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
