dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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