Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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