Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
When are your genitals available?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
