but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
