I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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