I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
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He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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