whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
