He uses pillows to masturbate.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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